Intriguingly enough, in long term marriages, where there is long term Being In Love, there is another part of the brain which is involved and must be involved for LONG TERM SUCCESS.
I do not have the brain section TERMINOLOGY in front of me. I’ll be sure to provide that to the group in the future.
The Long Term Success Section for couples In Love for the long haul, this other part of the brain is different than the marvelous toe curling part of the brain happily receiving dopamine from the happy aroused pheromones. As well as a different part of the brain which require NEWNESS least we become – The Worst – bored.
The Long Term Relationship Success part of the brain reads and requires…..
PEACEFUL CALMNESS
Indeed, it is that feeling which is the result of when we fight and struggle to communicate and when we WORK at our marriage and unite as singles into a committed relationship, that true intimacy is achieved. We FEEL cherished, respected, received and loved. We feel safe and secure. This person knows my faults, helps me to continue to grow, AND still loves me. In fact, having been THROUGH fights which became merely miscommunication resolved, our love DEEPENED. We truly KNEW each other and LOVED each other.
Then love becomes a CHOICE not just a sentiment and whimsical feeling of the moment as it is in the ATTRACTION STAGE. Then we choose to love each other, not just when we FELT like it. And then LOVE becomes an action. We LOVE each other. We ACT in LOVING ways and behaviors. Yes, of course, we are still imperfect. Just there is that CALM, that PEACEFULNESS. And it is there in Long Term Successful Marriage relationships.
That is where we can wear absolutely no makeup and he thinks we are utterly beautiful. And we see a man who has courage and diligence. Unlike all the “Real Housewives Of XYZ location” where they must ALWAYS each and every day look unbelievably perfect which is such a huge stress. When the PEACEFUL CALM part kicks in, we can allow that full range of ourselves to show.
INTIMACY
It is only ONE element. The Long Term Successful Marriage relationships ALSO require we continue to feed CHEMISTRY. Which we do with good grooming and behavior and dress which acquentuate the differences between the sexes. The Long Term Successful Marriage relationship also needs injections periodically over a period of extended time of NEWNESS to keep thing vital like new oxygen to the blood stream.
When singles are dating, indeed, all three elements need to be considered:
Attraction – chemistry and passion
Newness – continual learning and stimulation for vitality
Peaceful Calm – true intimacy
When all three elements are present in a courtship, this just might become a wonderful marriage relationship.
Happy Dating and Relationships!
April Braswell
